Saturday, September 15, 2007

Putting It In Neutral

I have so many thoughts running through my head that I'm not quite sure where to start. My "brain in overdrive" is not a new situation for me so it's a very familiar feeling; however, where I struggle is slowing it down and organizing the thoughts for others.

Thought 1:
A little over a week ago, our computer decided to die. I'm not very computer savvy, but it's broke. Yes, that's the technical term (in case you were wondering). Broke. Fortunately, I have a fabulous connection and we have a loaner!!! Even my husband admits that when I have the computer as an outlet I am a much happier person. It's very weird, I know. I really miss my stranger-friends when I don't check in with my daily blog reads. It was a long week without so much as checking my email, but I survived.

Thought 2:
The Coach is really struggling. The season is has started and it's been rough. The first game was so promising and exciting. We were all looking forward to the rest of the season and could really see the hard work paying off. But then Game 2 came and we recorded another mark in the "L" column. Thursday was Game 3 and much to my hearts dismay, we now sit at 0-3. The kids and I met The Coach at the edge of the field and they wrapped their little arms around him and offered their love. "I love you, Daddy". At 9 & 5 they understand how a loss feels.

As his wife I want to make everything okay for him. It breaks my heart to see my big, strong Coach welling up on the sideline. It is so hard to hear him question himself and his program. I stand with him and hold his hand and tell him that I believe in him. I believe in his goals and dreams for this group of kids. 'Tis but a moment. By the end of Friday he had renewed his spirit. He is there to change lives. For My Coach, it's not all about the win/loss column. It's about making a difference in the lives of young men. His heart is for these boys who come to him and need so much...a friend, a father, a role model and more.

Thought 3:
Back in March , The Coach and I began thinking about the possibility of homeschooling Veggie Boy and Saucy Girl. In the form truest to my nature, I jumped into the research with both feet. I delved into several books (Designing Your Own Classical Curriculum, Catholic Education Homeward Bound, etc.) and found online information regarding every aspect you could imagine. The Coach and I NEVER had entertained this idea before. As a matter of fact, when my sister began mentioning it for her family, I probably discouraged her..."you'll never get a break"..."you'll be completely responsible for their education"..."education is something you only get one shot at - if you mess it up you'll regret it"...(I know I was relentless). But God was now stirring something in me. So,I began a novena (9 day intensive prayer for a specific intention) and really sought God's will for our family. After a 2 month discernment process The Coach and I made the decision to homeschool our kiddo's. Which is why I know struggle with the fact that our children are attending the local public school. ugh! We made the homeschool decision prior to buying our new home in June. We felt compelled to reevaluate home education since we are now in a small community (still only one elementary school in town). We felt our kids might be cheated of relationships if all the neighborhood kids were attending school together and ours weren't.

All of that said, the last 3 weeks have been so hard...for me! I am very sensitive to everything happening at the school. When Veggie Boy speaks, daily, of how his teacher "yells" at them I cringe inside as I tell him that there just isn't anything I can do about it. I cannot sit in the classroom each day to ensure she isn't raising her voice. When Saucy Girl brought home a note from the school principal stating that parents could no longer accompany their children into the building, she feel apart and climbed into my lap while we sat in the carpool line to pick up Veggie Boy and it was all I could do to not loose my emotions too.

The parenting decisions we are called to make are sooooo hard! I really need the handbook! I could create a list of things The Coach and I are unhappy with - academic and administrative as well - but, that won't help matters. Talking last night in the dark of our room, The Coach shook his head and said, "let 'em finish the 6 weeks".

We need to talk again - just to be sure we are on the same page - but I think my kiddo's are coming home!! I feel a sense of relief and peace (even though the work is just beginning) :-)

I hope the kids are as excited!

Well stranger-friends, thanks for letting me talk it out. It's getting late, The Coach is out scouting and I don't think I'm gonna stay up waiting on him tonight. He's working tomorrow so the kids and I will attend Mass without him (2nd week in a row) and I hate that, but............ 'tis but a season.

Good Night!


Ami said...

Yea for your HS decision! Being their mom and teacher is a huge responsibility, but the time together is such a reward.

nutmeg said...

Hey, nice to meet you and thanks for visiting my blog!

I understand the "relief" of bringing the kids home. On those rainy Texas mornings when we are all snug inside with our books, I feel the same way... until I have to yell. :)

Homeschooling is a big challenge, to be sure. And there many times I feel the pressure of being the sole provider of my kids' education. But the benefits outweigh the difficulties (at least for now!)

Blessings on you as you begin this journey!